3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
