just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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