If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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