I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
