I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
