I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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