God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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