Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
