i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
