i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
did i just pee glitter
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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