Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize