It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
