white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
