Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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