I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
