It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
