how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
