I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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