I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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