I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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