Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
