so that wasnt chicken after all
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
