look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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