This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
