I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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