You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
