Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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