where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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