Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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