he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just pee around me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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