the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
