So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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