i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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