Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
