dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
