You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
