Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
