I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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