hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
