how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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