Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
