Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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