my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
