There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
