OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
