I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
