Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
