I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
