That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
