I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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