Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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