You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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