thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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