Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
