part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
