Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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