you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
