Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
