then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
