My liver just broke up with me...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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