My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize