Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
