just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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