please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
