im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
