take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
