I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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