Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
