My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
