he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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