I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
