I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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