Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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