i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize