i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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