The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
