we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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