theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
