I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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