if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
