I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize