this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
