My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize