the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
