I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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