She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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