guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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