I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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