apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
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