What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
