Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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