she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
