WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
