That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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