Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize