He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
