since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how drunk are you?
Several
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
