i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize