i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
