hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
