just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
