I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
