dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
