you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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